Colorado, from a New Yorker's point of view

Last Saturday there was a Zombie Crawl in Denver.  The objective, which I believe was achieved, was to set the Guinness Book of World Records for most zombies gathered in one place.  There were easily a couple thousand zombies roaming the streets of the 16th mall.  The costumes and make-up were outrageous.  I was slightly surprised to see so many young kids there.  I know I would have been scared by the costumes.

As the free mall shuttle bus drove by dozens of zombies started pounding on the sides of the bus screaming “brains, brains.”  Denver and maybe New Orleans have to be the only two cities in the country where the police would allow something like this to happen.  There was very little police presence.  They were actually more concerned with giving me a parking ticket.  Despite the lack of police the crowd was very well behaved.  I actually didn’t see anyone drinking, which is unusual for Denver and for zombie fans.

There were also some strange outfits.  I’m not sure what Mario from Mario Brothers, a Storm Trooper, Spiderman and the beast from Predator have to do with zombies but they were all there.  Enjoy the pictures.

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Here are some pics of some animals I came across in Rocky Mountain National Park a few weeks ago.   I couldn’t really explore the park because the one main road has already been shutdown for the season.  I’m not sure what these things are, I guess they are Elk.  But what is the difference between Elk, Mouse, Reindeer, Caribou and large deer? 

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Have you ever started a conversation with someone in a bar and immediately wish you could flee.   I’ve had countless drunks approach me and start rambling conversations.   But until the other night I can’t recall approaching someone and almost immediately regretting it.

I saw this hottie the other night.   I walked over to her to say hello.   We talked for a minute or two.   She seemed normal.   Until she mentioned that she is 21 and has a 5 month old girl.   The father of her child is a 45 year old drug dealer / gangster.   He was a regular at the strip club where she danced.

She had a very nice body for someone who just gave birth.  Especially considering she ballooned to 198 pounds while she was pregnant.  She attributed the weight loss to a steady intake of coke.

As a man I don’t truly understand all the nuances of being a women.  However, I would like to assume that my powers of deductive reasoning would allow me to determine I was pregnant prior to the 4th month.  The missed periods, morning sickness and weight gain would all be signs.

As I was playing Doc Phil she explained that she was probably in denial about being pregnant.  Again using my deductive powers I was able to conclude that the prenatal care during those first four months probably included a lot of alcohol and Marlboro lights.

We chatted for about ten minutes.  I was completely fascinated by her lack of judgment.  She seemed grateful I was listening and that I didn’t flee right away.   As I left I felt it was my Dr. Phil duty to offer some fatherly advice.   I told her to check out the Nuva Ring but I wanted to tell her something more profound.   I didn’t want to be preachy, although the way the conversation was going she would have probably been cool with a sermon.

Instead I asked a simple question that at one time was asked to me.   I looked her in the eyes and said “After all this have you gotten your head out of your ass?”  She chuckled and said “I hope so.”

I hope so too.  In part for her kid, but in a larger part because I don’t want my tax dollars subsidizing her poor decision making.

First my disclaimer: I don’t advocate driving drunk.  If you are drunk you should not be behind the wheel.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to drink and drive.   If it is your first beer of the evening you should be allowed to consume it in the vehicle.  At the least your passengers should be allowed to drink.  If the driver is sober, who cares what the passengers do?  The driver is responsible for them.  If they distract the driver it is the driver’s problem.  Control you passengers.

That’s my tirade on drunk driving.  Tonight I was with someone.  We had a small glass of wine  at her house, then just before we get ready to leave she pours another glass of wine.  She then asks if I want to take it with me.  “Sure, I’m not driving” I think.  As I nod in agreement I ask if we are going to put the wine in plastic cup, a Gatorade bottle, a flask or something.

Nope, we take the wine with us in our glasses.  As we drive down the street, drinking boxed Franzia (that’s another story) she tells me about how she hit a pedestrian.  Hit as in, smasher her car into a jaywalker.  Hit, as in bounced a pedestrian off her windshield, then off the roof and onto the road.

At least she didn’t kill a passenger in her car.  That would have made me more nervous.

Speaking of jaywalkers.  People in Denver are very respectful of traffic signals.  If the light says don’t walk, they stay put.  Whereas as a New Yorker I always look both ways, even down a one way.  If nothing is coming I go.  Very simple.  No traffic, I walk.  If traffic is only going in one direction, I will walk half-way out into the intersection.   It saves time, it keeps the flow of people and cars moving.

The majority of people in Denver don’t do that.  If I walk upon an intersection with a bunch of people waiting for the “walk signal” I have to weave in and out and occasionally push someone until I get to the front.  When I get to the front I look left, then right and if nothing is coming I walk.  Occasionally someone will follow my lead.  I’ll be half-way through an intersection and I’ll notice that one or two other people are proceeding cautiously behind me.

There are some other people like me.  I assume those are fellow NY transplants.  At least Denver is not as bad as California.  You can set foot in the intersection without people stopping for you.  I made that mistake in So Cal once.  I took one step into an intersection, and immediately cars on both sides came to a screeching halt.  The loud brake noise captured everybody’s attention.  I soon had a whole block of pedestrians and drivers staring at me with the expression of “WTF are you doing?  Jackass, why are you in the intersection?”

Now when I am at an intersection in California I stand backwards.  I lift one leg and slowly and deliberately I take a step backwards into the intersection.  Drivers seem to love it.

… that I should use more humor when I write.  I tend to agree.  I’ve been so busy trying to learn how to get this site up and running that I have not allowed the humor, which is typical of my writing, to come through.

I’ve also been hesitant to post certain things.  I’ve know that sooner or later I’m going to upset someone.  At first I figured it would be a friend from back home.  I figured I’d tell some embarrassing story from someone’s past.  But the longer I am here the more I realize I’m going to piss off someone in Denver first.  Mostly I don’t want to upset an RA (reasonably attractive women)  and blow my chances for any potential extracurricular activities that might occur.

I realize that to make this site interesting I need to be honest.  I was also taught that if something seems to good it probably is.  Therefore I don’t want to post about the potential for something to happen until it actually happens.  Which is why I will ignore the back story and say this:  I met an alleged professional dominatrix tonight and by playing rude and hard to get she is completely in to me.  Being aloof is like fishing with dynamite.  I have a week to get tested which means she is responsible, serious and willing to show me her own stamp of approval.  She also claims she is going to “break me.”

Have I mentioned I love Denver?

A bunch of friends have asked that I show off pictures of where I live.   Those pictures will follow shortly.  In the mean time I will describe my place.

My place is perfect if I was trying to attract and appeal to teenage runaways.  Okay maybe I am being hard on myself.  My place might be cool for Colorado college girls as well.  I’m going to make the generalization that Colorado college girls are a little more granola and less stuck up than East Coast college girls.  Therefore they probably wouldn’t mind sleeping on an air mattress and hanging out on lawn furniture surrounded by boxes.

Unfortunately I am not running a home for wayward girls and co-eds are not as exciting or thrilling as they once were.  (Attn. attractive co-eds feel free to prove me wrong on that point)  I’m just happy to be living in Denver, and being unemployed I like my cheap rent.

Air mattress & the wall street journal.  I have to be in the very small demographic of people who read the Wall Street Journal and sleep on an air mattress.  Seriously, how many of us can there be in the world?

Luckily I have some furniture being shipped out to me.  I’m not sure how I’m going to pay for it to get shipped here.  Having a job would really help in this regard.  Right now I am embarrassed to even considering bringing anyone back to my place.  At least in a month I’ll have a decently decorated basement space.  Over sized king bed, lawn chairs, leather sectional, picnic table desk, Kef speakers, cardboard boxes.

It will have to do.

Tonight was the worst night I’ve had since I’ve moved to Denver.  It was a typical evening until a close friend told me her grandmother passed away.  She was in her mid 90′s and her health had been slowly deteriorating  for years.  She lived a full life.  I guess you could say that it wasn’t unexpected.

Her family knew it was coming sooner rather than later.  But for it to actually happen.  It’s always gut wrenching when it happens.  Getting the phone call telling you to go to the hospital, or worse.  The phone never rings the same way again.  Every time you answer the phone, especially if the call is unexpected or during unusual hours, the thought crosses your mind:  ”Shit, what happened.  I hope everyone is okay.  Please let everyone be okay”

The phone call is not the worst part.  The phone call is the jab to the head that catches you off guard.  It rattles you, it sets you up.  The brutal part is when you spend hours, days or even weeks bedside.  Knowing the inevitable is coming.  Thinking back to the person’s younger days.  Seeing their vibrancy slip away.

My same friend went through this a few years ago with her father.  He was older.  Which is possibly supposed to mitigate everything.  And maybe it does, I couldn’t image burying a friend or worst a child.  I have three close friends who have lost their best friends.  I thank god regularly that I haven’t had to experience that yet.  Losing your parents is expected.  But it does put you alone in the world.  Unless you have your own family.  Being alone in the world, while slightly liberating , sucks.

It is amazing how death is no big deal when it is not near you.  A quick Google search indicates that 150,000 people in the world die every day.  If it doesn’t impact me I don’t care.  I guess if you cared it would drive you mad.

But when it strikes a loved one.  Knowing that right now there are thousands of people maintaining a bedside vigil for a loved one.  Knowing that thousands of people are still in shock from that phone call. Knowing that my friend had to go through it last night breaks my heart.  She did it two years ago for her father.  She spent a week by his bedside.  He was unresponsive, yet she stayed right there.  At most she spent 15 or 20 minutes a day away from his side.  She stayed with him until that inevitable moment.  As the pulse rate slowly drops and the breathing gets shallower, until that last moment of no more.

Life is short enjoy it while you can.

Last Saturday my roommate / landlord / friend Cori and I hosted our first party.   It was actually a chocolate mousse off.   My first night in town she casually mentioned that she makes the world’s best chocolate mousse.   At first it didn’t bother me.   She’s never had my mousse, so it was just easier to let her continue believing her delusional thoughts.   But over time I realized that some of our friends might actually believe her.   It was time for a throw down.

Prep work starting the day before.   We both spent considerable time cooking & cleaning.   Combined we made about six trips to various stores to get everything.   No matter how I plan out my shopping list I always seem to forget something.

I also frequently change the menu late in the game.   For example, I made a calzone and I had some left over pizza dough.   Knowing we also had a lot of left over blue cheese Cori asked what I could make with it.   Quickly I assembled a spinach, mushroom, blue cheese, & mozzarella calzone.   It was delicious.   The only problem was that it was unevenly stuffed.   Some other time I’ll write about my struggles with manipulating pizza dough.

We had just under twenty guests.   It’s always interesting mixing groups of friends.   With one exception, none of my friends had met each other before last night.   It was also the first time I got to meet some of Cori’s friends, none of whom knew my friends.   Adding to the mix our cool duplex mate, Jeanne invited some of her friends.   Luckily everyone got along and the party went really well.  Cori and Jeanne’s friends were all really cool.  My only complaint is that there were too many invisible women.  Actually almost all the women there were invisible.  I also played the roll of the invisible man more often than I would have preferred.  I’ll explain in another post.

I always find it fun when you end up going though more alcohol than you anticipated.   In the beginning of the night I was making most of the drinks.   I remember going through half a bottle of vodka.    As the night progressed people started helping themselves.   Before long the vodka and rum were both kicked.

The Results
I no longer make the best chocolate mousse in the world.   By a 2-1 margin Cori’s mousse was declared the winner.   Her’s was much darker and richer.   Mine was lighter and creamier.   My recipe calls for either cognac, rum or vanilla.   I used a  combination of rum and vanilla, but I splashed in a little too much rum.   You can actually see me using a paper towel to absorb some of it.   I’ve been humbled.

I’m still not entirely giving up on my recipe.   But next time I might need to make a layered mousse using both recipes.

Shame on me for not getting any pictures of the finished mousse.   I did however get some pictures of the aftermath in the kitchen.

Wiping up the alcohol

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This is where I lost the Mousse off. I accidentally splashed in a little too much rum. You can see the bottle of Pyrat Rum in background as I use a paper towel to absorb some of the excess.

I’ve had a scratchy throat all week so I figured what better remedy is there than going to a Hookah bar.  I’ve only been to two hookah lounges; one was in Paris and the other was in DC.  I guess this led to having slightly higher expectations.  Normally I would have vetoed the idea of going, however it was past 10pm, which meant it was now September 27th on the east coast.  The 27th is significant because it is a close friend’s b-day and this friend is the one who has taken me on both my hookah adventures.  I figured it would be a fitting tribute to her.

Having been in hookah lounges in Paris and DC I was expecting something similar.  A chic, downtown lounge, with comfortable sofas and trippy middle-eastern music playing.  I was hoping to get a pitcher of tea, and / or a glass of wine.  Instead I ended up at Exhale in Lakewood, CO.  Exhale is a dive establishment that doesn’t serve alcohol, or the traditional Middle Eastern tea that is typically found in hookah bars.  This place also had too many uncomfortable chairs and too few pool tables.  Add in the bad hip hop and the extremely young clientele and it made for a truly forgettable night.  Quick point of interest – in the six weeks I’ve been here, tonight was the first time I was out socially in a city that wasn’t Denver or Boulder.

I was probably one of the oldest people there, lucky me.  I learned a few lessons.  Actually I didn’t really learn them, I had them reinforced.  Avoid suburban hookah lounges, especially if you are going with people you don’t know too well.  The hookah experience is really about enjoying the company you are with.  Unfortunately last night I really didn’t know most of the people I was with and I really didn’t feel like socializing with people still in community college.

If I was with cool, charming, funny, and smart people in a crappy place like Exhale, it could have been fun.  And if the place is cool, it can be a blast to hang with people who are still getting used to writing a “2″ as the first digit when indicating their age.  But combine young, uninteresting people with a crappy place and you get a forgettable evening.   Just to clarify, the people I went with were cool, we just met up with a bunch of their younger friends and the rest of the scene was very young.  I even talked to some other customers and was completely bored by how uninteresting they were.

After spending over a month trying to figure out how to get this site up and running I’m finally sharing the link with some close friends.

This page will give you the gist of what I’m doing or trying to do.

I’m not entirely happy with the color schemes.  I’m still having some issues getting pictures to display properly, typically they are either too large or too small.  And of course every time I look at the site I seem to break links.

However in lieu of all that I would appreciate any and all feedback.  I’ll also buy you a beer for every typo you find.

Thanks for reading,

Tom