Colorado, from a New Yorker's point of view

How many pairs a jeans should a man own?

Years ago I was a fan of having about three pairs.  One in traditional denim blue, one in black and then a really old worn pair used for lounging around or getting filthy.  Traditionally I never liked spending more than $40 on a pair of jeans.  I always assumed that jeans were jeans.

This was before I dated my ex girlfriend.  She had a different take on jeans.  I remember there was one time early in our relationship when she asked me to get a pair of jeans out of her closet.  It was a simple request, or so it seemed.  Open her closet, find the blue jeans, take them out of the closet.  Who couldn’t do that?  As it turns out she had about 15 pairs of jeans which were identical in color.  It actually inspired me to count all the pants in her closet.   I stopped counting when I reached 50.  That’s right there were over 50 pairs of pants in her closet, & I didn’t even count them all.  Just pants, I didn’t include shorts, skirts, dresses, pajamas, or even sweat pants etc.  I also didn’t count any which might have been in the hamper.  Excessive if you ask me, but where do you draw the line?

She had the philosophy that everyone needs at least one or two pairs of “fuck me” jeans.  For those who don’t know Fuck Me jeans, are best defined as jeans which make your lower half look so good members of the opposite sex immediately have the desire to copulate with you.

As with most things in life have jeans that make you look hot do not come cheap.  My descent into the world of over-priced jeans started slowly.  A few years ago I spent about $60 on a pair of DKNY jeans.    For well over a year they were my sole pair of Fuck Me jeans.  Then I decided I needed a pair in a slightly different color, then a different style then I was hooked.  For the most part I didn’t spend over $60.   When it comes to high end jeans $60 is really not a lot of money.  A former co-worker of mine would spend between $150 & $250 on jeans.  This is fine if you make a ton of money, but he was making well under $15 an hour.  I can’t image working 20 hours to buy a pair of jeans.

Before moving out to CO, I went shopping for new jeans.  I had gained a little weight over the last year or two and wanted some jeans that fit better.  I bought about four pairs of jeans.  I used the dollar cost average method to offset some of the more expensive jeans.  I think the most expensive pair was $80, however by buying a few cheaper pairs the average cost of all my jeans was more reasonable.

This was all good until I got to CO.  The combination of eating healthier and working out coupled with not sitting behind a desk for 50 hours a week caused me to rapidly lose some of the weight that appeared around my mid-section.  The new jeans which were loose to begin with are now swimming on me.

Last week I went to Nordstrom Rack and bought two new pairs of pants.  I probably need another two or three pairs in various colors and styles to complete my wardrobe, but being unemployed these will have to do….at least until I check out another department store.

I got my third parking ticket the other day.  I’m averaging about one a month since I have been in Denver.  At least they are not moving violations.

The first was because I forgot to move my car the one day a month when they do street cleaning.  I don’t mind the ticket, if the street had actually been cleaned.  If the street doesn’t get cleaned the ticket shouldn’t count.

The second was because of an expired meter.  I was busy taking pictures of zombies.  I knew I was running late and I decided to play the odds.  Fifteen minutes late = ticket.

The most recent ticket came during our last snow storm.  My car was parked outside my house and covered with snow.  It seems Denver doesn’t like me having expired east coast tags.  Originally I figured I would keep the expired tags until I got pulled over.  I was hoping to get an expired tags ticket instead of a speeding ticket.  It would be a win / win / win for everyone.  I get off without a moving violation, the cop helps reach his quota and the city makes extra revenue.  I knew I was taking a chance and that I could end up with a multitude of tickets, but every time I drive I take a chance that I could end up with a multitude of tickets.

I have a vision of that last sentence being read in court by a prosecutor.  “Lady’s and gentleman of the jury I refer you to ‘exhibit A’ which is a posting by the defendant making reference to his own driving…”

It is in the upper 70′s today.  I’m sitting outside wishing I put shorts and sandals on.  Part of the focus of this site is to explore the differences between NY & CO.  Weather is definitely one of the main differences.

The weather is schizophrenic.  That is really the only way to describe it.  Never before, in my three plus decades on this planet have I needed to break out my winter coat in September.  My close friends all know that I hate the cold.  I was subjected to tons of ridicule when a Rockies playoff game got canceled because it was so cold and snowy.  That was the same 26 degree day I did my Red Rocks 5k.  The following Sunday it was in the upper 70s.

Last week Colorado got hit with a major snow storm.  It was two and half days of snow.  The official measurement from my neighbor’s patio was 20 inches.  I was going to take a picture of it the day after it stopped snowing, but in had already started to melt.  Two days after the storm the majority of the snow was gone and I didn’t need a jacket to be outside.  And here, a week later I’m wishing I was in shorts.

The climate is also much drier than NY.  If that much snow melts in NY the ground would stay wet for weeks.

First my disclaimer: I don’t advocate driving drunk.  If you are drunk you should not be behind the wheel.  This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be able to drink and drive.   If it is your first beer of the evening you should be allowed to consume it in the vehicle.  At the least your passengers should be allowed to drink.  If the driver is sober, who cares what the passengers do?  The driver is responsible for them.  If they distract the driver it is the driver’s problem.  Control you passengers.

That’s my tirade on drunk driving.  Tonight I was with someone.  We had a small glass of wine  at her house, then just before we get ready to leave she pours another glass of wine.  She then asks if I want to take it with me.  “Sure, I’m not driving” I think.  As I nod in agreement I ask if we are going to put the wine in plastic cup, a Gatorade bottle, a flask or something.

Nope, we take the wine with us in our glasses.  As we drive down the street, drinking boxed Franzia (that’s another story) she tells me about how she hit a pedestrian.  Hit as in, smasher her car into a jaywalker.  Hit, as in bounced a pedestrian off her windshield, then off the roof and onto the road.

At least she didn’t kill a passenger in her car.  That would have made me more nervous.

Speaking of jaywalkers.  People in Denver are very respectful of traffic signals.  If the light says don’t walk, they stay put.  Whereas as a New Yorker I always look both ways, even down a one way.  If nothing is coming I go.  Very simple.  No traffic, I walk.  If traffic is only going in one direction, I will walk half-way out into the intersection.   It saves time, it keeps the flow of people and cars moving.

The majority of people in Denver don’t do that.  If I walk upon an intersection with a bunch of people waiting for the “walk signal” I have to weave in and out and occasionally push someone until I get to the front.  When I get to the front I look left, then right and if nothing is coming I walk.  Occasionally someone will follow my lead.  I’ll be half-way through an intersection and I’ll notice that one or two other people are proceeding cautiously behind me.

There are some other people like me.  I assume those are fellow NY transplants.  At least Denver is not as bad as California.  You can set foot in the intersection without people stopping for you.  I made that mistake in So Cal once.  I took one step into an intersection, and immediately cars on both sides came to a screeching halt.  The loud brake noise captured everybody’s attention.  I soon had a whole block of pedestrians and drivers staring at me with the expression of “WTF are you doing?  Jackass, why are you in the intersection?”

Now when I am at an intersection in California I stand backwards.  I lift one leg and slowly and deliberately I take a step backwards into the intersection.  Drivers seem to love it.

A bunch of friends have asked that I show off pictures of where I live.   Those pictures will follow shortly.  In the mean time I will describe my place.

My place is perfect if I was trying to attract and appeal to teenage runaways.  Okay maybe I am being hard on myself.  My place might be cool for Colorado college girls as well.  I’m going to make the generalization that Colorado college girls are a little more granola and less stuck up than East Coast college girls.  Therefore they probably wouldn’t mind sleeping on an air mattress and hanging out on lawn furniture surrounded by boxes.

Unfortunately I am not running a home for wayward girls and co-eds are not as exciting or thrilling as they once were.  (Attn. attractive co-eds feel free to prove me wrong on that point)  I’m just happy to be living in Denver, and being unemployed I like my cheap rent.

Air mattress & the wall street journal.  I have to be in the very small demographic of people who read the Wall Street Journal and sleep on an air mattress.  Seriously, how many of us can there be in the world?

Luckily I have some furniture being shipped out to me.  I’m not sure how I’m going to pay for it to get shipped here.  Having a job would really help in this regard.  Right now I am embarrassed to even considering bringing anyone back to my place.  At least in a month I’ll have a decently decorated basement space.  Over sized king bed, lawn chairs, leather sectional, picnic table desk, Kef speakers, cardboard boxes.

It will have to do.

As a New Yorker who has recently found himself living in Denver each day I come across numerous situations which are different from what one would find back east.  Some are good and some bad.  I’m not going to comment about the obvious differences, such as the mountains, being landlocked, the better weather, the friendlier fitter people etc.  I’m mostly going to focus on the interesting or weird things I’ve noticed.  I’ll also pay particular attention to some of the more progressive or backwards things I’ve come across.

View the slide show, read the captions and you’ll learn about some of the differences I’ve noticed since moving to Denver about a month ago.

honor system parking

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This would never work in NY. It is the honor system for parking. You park, put a few bucks into the slot and that's it. I assume periodically someone comes and checks. I haven't yet figured out how much to put in or how long it is good for.